


i'm not asking you to leave (i'm just begging you to let me get some sleep)

by ampere



Category: Little Mix (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-24
Packaged: 2017-12-12 19:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ampere/pseuds/ampere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one were Perrie can't sleep and she keeps bumping into Jade. Who then becomes another constant in Perrie's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm not asking you to leave (i'm just begging you to let me get some sleep)

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is a jerrie I did inspired suddenly and it probably doesn't make sense. Eh. 
> 
> Title from Motion City Soundtrack's Not Asking You To Leave.

The white noise is a constant, leaves Perrie irritated, eyes lined with the lack of sleep, hair frazzled. The supermarket is empty, everyone else in the world sound asleep or running on good rest. Perrie thinks she needs a can of corn and maybe one of peas.

She yawns, holds both cans in one hand and blinks the burning feeling of no sleep off her eyes.  

This insomnia thing isn’t working for her, Perrie feels like dead weight, like she’s trapped in this gray zone of tiredness and irritation and depression. It’s not something Perrie wanted and it’s not something she can get rid off (or so it seems).

These late night (early morning?) runs all across town are tiring. Perrie needs sleep, Perrie needs to close her eyes and maybe sleep for days, a year maybe. 

 The store had been like a fuzzy lamp on the porch and Perrie was a moth.

_Opened 24 hours!_ It proclaims. Three in the morning is a perfect time for grocery shopping. 

It’s empty, it’s too late and the only check out counter open is the one with the number seven lit up. She rolls the cans of vegetables on the conveyer belt, reaches into her pocket for the money. 

“Good morning,” the check out girl says, runs the scanner over the cans. Perrie looks up, crumpled bills gripped tightly in her fingers. 

“Morning,” she says, voice gruff, unused. 

“You look tired,” the girl chirps, clicks buttons on the cash register, “shouldn’t you be sleeping?” 

Her name tag is crooked, has fading stickers all over it and reads _Jade_. 

Perrie grunts, reaches for a candy bar and throws it into the mix. _Sugar_ …to keep her going enough to get back home. 

- 

It’s foggy, it curls around her ankles. It’s a chilly night, the streets are empty, almost like the seconds before something horribly bad happens.

Perrie’s phone reads _4:20 am. Great_. 

She yawns, reaches into her hoodie and takes out a can of coke, pops it open and takes a sip. It burns down her throat and sends a shiver up her spine. Caffeine, just what she needs. 

She’s not so sure where she’s going, just that she needs to walk off the static feeling of her nerves crawling under her skin. Needs to get rid of all the energy she seems to get out of nowhere. 

Her heart does a skip, feels like it’s gone and lodge itself in her throat when she hears footsteps behind her. Perrie isn’t _stupid_ , she knows what kind of creeps roam the streets at this hour (she’s one of them after all). She nearly takes into a sprint, drops her can, but there’s fingers on her shoulder and her breath leaves her in a little choked sound. 

“Hey, it’s you,” a voice said, “it’s me, Jade, the cashier?” 

Perrie nods, mind going fuzzy, racking her brain for a _Jade_ and a cashier and it all comes rushing back to her. The girl drops her hand, matches up Perrie’s stride and walks quietly beside her.  It should probably be weird but Perrie’s too tired to care.

The fog becomes heavier and her eyes droop and its all silent except for the white noise that never leaves Perrie alone.

The street feels insanely long and Jade smiles at her when they reach the corner and motions to the opposite direction Perrie has to go in.

“This is my stop,” she says cracks her knuckles, “just…hey, what’s your name?”

Perrie blinks at her, responses delayed, “it’s…uh Perrie."

-

The sun is rising, a slow climb up, a blazing orange glow. Her legs kick against air, knees over the ledge of the roof.

She’s got wrappers of candies all littered on the parking lot she’s over looking.

“Hey!” someone calls, “what are you doing?”

Perrie clicks her tongue, shrugs, “tryna see the day start?”

It goes quiet, the chirping of birds and crickets filling up the empty space.

“Perrie, right?” the girl drops next to her, kicks her legs out.

“Yeah…Jade?” Perrie doesn’t look at her, looks at the sun over the houses and trees.

“In the flesh,” Jade nods, sticks her hands into the pockets of her parka, “you sleep much?”

Perrie turns to give her a side glance, a flicker of eyes, “why?” she asks back.

“You’re always awake when I am…and it’s late,” Jade trails off, bites her tongue, “just wondering.”

Perrie hums, toes off her shoe and watches it fall down into the concrete of the parking lot, “you work late then?”

Jade nods, “I work a couple of graveyard shifts."

-

It’s been a while since she’s been here. But she’s running out of places to go. It’s silent and the grass is wet, seeps through her slippers. She shivers, wraps her coat closer to her body and squats down to read the engraving on the tombstone.

“You knew her?” someone asks from above her, it’s a familiar voice, one that she recognizes as Jade.

“No,” Perrie whispers, trying not to wake the dead, “you?”

“Barely,” the girl says, “I just clean around here.”

“Right,” Perrie says, gets up and bumps her forehead against Jade, “I don’t think I like having you around so much,” she says, “kinda scary.”

Jade bites her lip, trying to keep a smile down, “you’re the one that looks like she belongs with a tombstone.”

And well, that’s that.

-

It doesn’t mean Perrie gets sleep or that she stops bumping into Jade in her late night journeys to escape insomnia and tired herself out. It’s the complete opposite. Jade keeps finding her and Perrie keeps shoving sugar down her throat so she can stay awake just enough to get home.

Jade shoves soda and coffee and energy drinks at her when she walks Perrie home when her shift is over at the supermarket.

And she wipes the dirt and the grass against Perrie when Perrie’s legs carry her to the graveyard and Jade is there shoveling dirt away.

_Graveyard shift_ , Perrie gets it now.

She watches a lot of sunrises and sees a lot of decomposing dead bodies and can feel the sugar coating the inside of her veins from all the sweet things she’s had.

Jade becomes another constant, along with the no sleep and the white noise and the yearning of rest.

(And a yearning of Jade, but Perrie doesn’t think about that much).

They get food from a fast food place, find an empty playground and climb up the slide, sit at the edge of it and share a milkshake and some chips and chicken nuggets.

“This is romantic,” Jade laughs, “with the moon and the stars and all that.”

Perrie’s eyes go wide and she nods slowly, takes another careful sip of their shared milkshake and offers it to Jade. Who takes it without thought and takes a long drag of the straw, sighs all satisfied when she pulls away.

Perrie feels the stomach acid rage and heat up, her stomach flipping over.

It’s the lack of sleep, that’s all.

-

Of course, somehow, she ends up with Jade in her flat, the sun shining soflty as it begins to rise, Jade’s eyes fluttering a bit as the sun gets to them.

She didn’t sleep, Perrie _never_ sleeps. She watched Jade and she watched the shadows creep against the walls and Jade’s skin. And it was relaxing enough to get the edge off her for a while.

“Tea,” Jade croaks and Perrie laughs before she shuffles to her kitchen and gets a kettle on.

There’s a moment of nothing but the sounds of Perrie looking for cups and then Jade stumbling against the door frame of the kitchen.

“Why am I here?” she asks.

Perrie shrugs, bites at her lip until she thinks she breaks some skin.

“Your clothes were dirty and wet, so you came here…for a shower and some clothes and…I guess sleep.”

Being around Jade means a lot of silence, Perrie realizes when the other girl just nods and moves into the kitchen, flops on top of the counter and yawns.

Silence stretches for a while and then the kettle whistles.

She fills the cups up to the brim, tries to reach behind Jade for the sugar jar. And it all ends horribly wrong.

There’s a soft mouth pressed to her and a tiny gasp, before Perrie’s tongue decides to get a mind of its own and lick across Jade’s full bottom lip.

She taste like _cold_ and _dirt_ and _death_ and Jade pushes at her shoulder to keep her away.

“Morning breath ," she says and Perrie laughs against her mouth and reaches for the sugar jar.

-

She still can’t sleep, when she gets home after roaming the streets with Jade and the sun is just threatening to get up. She manages to doze off (a major step) but always wakes up startled from dreams of Jade and things she wants but can’t have.

That kiss was a one time thing, a fluke even. A misread signal.

Jade still laughs at her and gives her sugar and lets her help with the digging in the graveyard. Doesn’t mention the kiss, smiles at her and asks _how are you this morning?_ Like she’s doing Perrie the biggest favor.

And for the most part Perrie goes along to it.

Except when she manages to get some sleep and Jade is there to burst her bubble. Soft and dreamy and warm and all the things that make sleep good but ironically takes it away from her.

“You ok?” Jade asks, knees drawn to her chest, hand gripping at a rock, poised to throw it at the river they’ve found.

“Peachy,” Perrie nods, throws her rock and watches it plunge down.  


Jade throws hers and it skips for a couple of seconds, reaches out far and then floats down.

That’s probably supposed to mean something, Perrie knows it. But she’s too sleepy to understand.

-

It’s raining, just a little drizzle, but the wind is heavy and strong and blows Perrie’s hair back, a pale contrast to the dark inky night.

“What’s wrong?” Jade asks again and Perrie looks up, blinks her eyes as stray drops plonk against her face, fall in her eyes.

“Can’t sleep,” Perrie says and Jade frowns as she digs the shovel against the loose dirt.

“I know _that_ ,” she says, “that’s why this happened," she motions between her and Perrie.

_Yeah this_ , Perrie thinks.

It goes quiet and then Perrie (she blames it on the lack of sleep, it’s all because of the lack of sleep) opens her mouth, “At first it was because I just had too much energy, all coiled up under my skin and ready to go but not enough hours in the day to burn it all out,” she picks up her own shovel, sticks it against the dying grass, “and then it was because of you, because I needed a chance to stumble into you and talk and make some company.”

Jade stops digging, arm’s flexed, eyebrows scrunched up, “what?”

“And then after the kiss, after you acted like it was nothing and I pretend it wasn’t, it was you in my dreams,” she licks her lips, lifts up a shovelful of dirt and throws it to the side, “and I don’t mind you being there, I _really_ don’t, but I just want some sleep.”

Jade lifts her shovel, looks at the pitiful amount of dirt she’s gathered in it.

“I only keep signing up for this because of you,” she says lowly, “at first it was because I needed the money and the supermarket didn’t pay enough, but then you kept coming here and I thought that maybe you were a good friend to make at this hour. God knows I can’t make friends in the daylight.”

“Friend,” Perrie says, nods, looks down to make sure she’s digging in the right place.

There’s fingernails, scrapping over her lip, the bow of it, living grains of dirt and then a mouth pressing against her.

She goes still, digs her fingernail’s into the wooden handle.

“You taste like dirt,” Jade mumbles, her hair whips forward and blends with Perrie’s, tickles her ear.

-

Jade takes a shower and leaves her dirty clothes caked in mud and grass against the shower stall’s floor. Perrie sits on the lid of the toilet, watches the soft skin and the curves and the way Jade’s skin goes all tight when the water hits her and it’s cold.

“You always watch all your guest shower?” Jade asks through clattering teeth, fingers fumbling with the knob for warm water.

“You’re the only guest I’ve had, so yeah,” Perrie smiles, can feel the way her eyes feel heavy from tiredness and squint a bit with how happy she maybe is.

Jade laughs, too loud and too bright at the hour they’re both up.

They share a cup of tea and a kiss or two (or more, Perrie loses count after a while of having Jade on her counter and her mouth tasting like tea and just a bit warm).

The sun is just rising when the they make it to Perrie’s room. It’s washed in gray light and cast in dark shadows, clothes rumpled and papers thrown all over the place, crumpled and scribbled.

Perrie kicks her shoes off, toes of her socks and flops on her bed.

There’s a second or two of Jade being more careful with her coat and her shoes and then curving into the shape Perrie’s spine allows, pressing her mouth to her neck, fingers laced over Perrie’s belly.

“What’s up with all the papers?” Jade whispers, yawn rushing over her words.

“Books,” Perrie says, “I write books,” she says as quietly as she can.

Jade nods, presses her chin into Perrie’s shoulder.

“Cool,” she says, and Perrie can feel her lashes tickle the side of her cheek, eyes drooping into sleep.

Perrie doesn’t sleep (she’s starting to think that maybe she’s lost the ability to do that), she waits a while, until Jade is snoring lightly, and detaches herself, picks up the stray papers and unwrinkles one, words scribbled, trying to describe Jade’s eyes.

Papers filled with words and letters and phrases that just don’t let her sleep. She remembers when her walks in the early morning were to burn down inspirations, when they only happened once every other month. Those days were easier and she didn’t feel like the world was weighing her down. Perrie often came home inspired enough to write for a while and then crash. And then nothing did it for her, she didn’t sleep for days and didn’t write anything in that time either.

Then Jade happened and sleep didn’t come back but the words did. And that was at least one win for her, if Perrie was trying to be positive.

-

Perrie goes to the supermarket, buys a gallon of milk and goes to the only register that's open.

“Good morning,” Jade says, scans the bar code, “can’t sleep?”

Perrie nods, yawns and gives her some crumpled bills, “are you coming home soon?” she asks.

Jade hums, nods as she bags the gallon of milk, “in a few yeah.”

“I’ll wait for you then,” she says and Jade nods.

“Be careful.”

-

She kicks her shoes off, watches them land on the floor and then waits for Jade to get to the parking lot, pick them up and climb up the roof with her.

It must take a little longer than she expected, her eyes droop down and her head tilts to the side, another small yawn escaping her.

“Tired?” Jade says, startles her awake and throws her shoes at her.

“A bit,” Perrie says slowly, mouth feeling dried and eyes just ready to close.

“Finally worn down?” Jade laughs, sits down next to Perrie and drapes an arm over her, brings her closer and buries her nose against her parka, “it only took a lot of me sleeping and holding you down.”

“And words,” Perrie adds, muffled against the cloth of Jade’s jacket, “lots of words written about you.”

“Too many words,” Jade corrects.

-

They pass the graveyard, watch a new boy dig around and wave at him. Who looks scared, hesitates to wave back and then ducks his head back down, looking at the hole he’s been digging up.

Jade takes a can of pop from her jacket, pops it open and takes a sip, offers Perrie some, who takes a big gulp and winces at the orange flavor.

“I’m hungry,” Jade says and Perrie nods.

The fast food place is brightly lit, lights harsh. Jade orders chips and chicken nuggets and a milkshake (vanilla because that’s the one they like best).

Perrie skims her knee when she tries to climb up the slide and ends up sliding right back down. The second try doesn’t look too promising but Jade grabs on to her hand and pulls her up, offers her the milkshake and laughs.

"This is nice," Jade hums, looks at the sky, "the moon the stars."

Perrie nods, can smell the faraway smell of rain and feels her eyes close.  


Jade's laugh is too faint and the cold air feels like the perfect blanket.

Perrie finally goes to sleep.


End file.
